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Friday, February 1, 2013

Do Normal People Have a Spiritual Director?

Today, I am wondering about Spiritual Direction.

I am just a pretty average "normal" person. (And what I mean by "normal" and average, is that I am not a consecrated religious, I do not have a theology degree, nor write spiritual writings for a living. I am just a struggling working mom of 3, wishing that I could be at home with my kids, but financially I need to work.) I'd be lying if I said I was not having a hard time with this. One highpoint, however, is that over the last 5 years I have REALLY turned to my faith... reading the Bible, getting to know all about Catholicism, teaching my children about our Faith and God, getting to know the Catechism. It has been great! In many writings and radio programs and religious circles and catholic forums, you'll constantly hear people referring to their "spiritual director" ... or recommend getting one, or talking to your own, (as if everyone has one.)  Well, I don't know about you, but I have seriously wondered about this, and I don't exactly feel comfortable asking the priests I hardly know, if they would be open to "spiritually directing" me. (I think this would be a huge annoying burden to them. They are busy enough as it is. And besides, isn't that type of thing reserved for priests and young men in the seminary)? I am really curious if anyone else (especially female) has ever wondered about this, and if you have sought out "spiritual direction" as a layperson. How did you do it, and who do you talk to? How often do you meet? What do you talk about?

Since I don't have a spiritual director, I am using a little book that I found, called "My Daily Bread: A Summary of the Spiritual Life" which is a short daily reflection and includes a little prayer to read everyday, that only takes one minute or so. The coolest thing is that the priest who wrote it, Father Anthony J. Paone of the Confraternity of the Precious Blood, (sometime in the 1950's) said that you can take every daily reading as a direct message to you from Our Lord and that often you will receive a singular "grace" for that day to help you in some way in your spiritual path, to grow closer to Christ.

I want to write a follow up post on The Predominant Fault to explain further about what this means and what happened to me after I prayed to God to show me what mine was. (I am still trying to figure this out, but at least I am aware now that the question needed to be asked!) Boy, do I have a long way to grow spiritually! I have been reading this little gem daily for 43 days. I keep it in my car and pull it out in the parking lot before I go into work every day. I admit, sometimes I even put it in my coat pocket and I will take it into the bathroom at work to read it to get "My Daily Bread"... it is rather addictive. It is like I have my own little makeshift spiritual director.

9 comments:

  1. I don't have one, but I wish I did. A good priest friend of mine said in order to find one to pray about it and ask God. Well, my prayer life isn't what it ought to be and I haven't figured it out yet. The main guidelines my priest friend gave me was: a consecrated religious woman or sister or a priest. Under no circumstances was I to seek out a lay man for spiritual direction. And I completely get that.

    I have on occasion reached out to the woman of the couple that taught my husband and me NFP and she's been great. I have never formally asked her to be my spiritual director though. I need to pray about it.

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    1. A consecrated religious women or sister... I hadn't really thought about that... but what a wondeful idea. (I wish I had some connections with some women religious...unfortunately, I don't have that. But I will pray about it.) I like what your priest friend had to say. It sounds like your NFP couple/woman friend has been a good mentor to you when you've needed it... you are lucky. Thanks for your thoughts.

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  2. I do not remember which Saint said this, but they said that the next best thing to a spiritual director is a Holy Book. That would refer to books written by Saints, not modern spiritual writers. On my journey in the faith different books have helped me at different times. But one important fact is to be willing to learn from them. The Precisous Blood book you mentioned is great. I do not have that one, but I have another one in their series; among others from those same years. But I have also found much help from the Introduction to the Devout Life by St. Francis de Sales. He wrote this believe it or not to women in his century. Typically women who could read and desired a better life beyond their riches, one for God. He believed what our Vatican II proclaimed and that is that we are all called to holiness. his book will challenge you and invite you to look deep into getting to know who you really are. I know people who have stopped reading it because it as too challenging. Other books are True Devotion by St. Louis de Montfort. It is a way of holiness where everything you do is united with the Blessed Mother and she presents it to Jesus for the good of souls and for the Church. Our Blessed John Paul II based his motto off of this book with his motto, totus tuus. I have others I could tell you about, but I would need more time to visit my bookshelf. I would be glad to look up more if you desire me to.
    Next, though it is important to note that the first and foremost need we have is to have a routine Confessor. I believe this is the real first need. It is the healing power of forgiveness from Christ through the priest that guides us And gives us the grace to persevere to union with God. The more active the Holy Spirit is in our life, the more we become open to His Will rather than our own. But it is the Sacraments, daily routine prayer, and a firm resolve to take Mary as your Mother that will guide us to this desired union. I strongly suggest daily visits to the Blessed Sacrament, even if for brief moments of complete quiet to say "I love you."
    Also, good spiritual friends are nothing to put aside. They are as precious as gold, as long as it is a pure relationship and not selfish in any way.
    Lastly, I prefer Priests as spiritual directors. I also look at the qualities of their lives. If they have a deep prayer life, it will show in the way they say Mass, in the way they speak and their unbelievable patience with others. They see their vocation as serious and a duty given to them by God to bring the Sacraments to the faithful and preach God's Truth in and put of season, with gentleness I may add. It is never good to be hasty to put ourselves under the direction of just anybody. But a regular confessor, now that cannot be undermined. The way I went about finding a confessor was just asking a local priest if he minded if I focused on coming to him regularly for confession. He was fine with it. And it helped me make better confessions because I wasn't trying to update on too much, I could just state the facts and move on freely. Also it gave me someone that if I had a question, I felt comfortable to ask, as long as it did not make others wait too long upside the confessional.
    God bless you and may he fulfill your desire to be near him.
    feel free to check out my blog at www.theeighthstation.blogspot.com It is to encourage Catholic women, especially mothers, to persevere in prayer and living lives that are holy for our souls and for the souls of our children.

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    1. Hi Susan, What a great comment! Thank you so much for all you have to say about this. The Introduction to the Devout Life, I haven't noticed before, but I will keep my eye out for it. (These books usually turn up for me when I go to adoration.) I have True Devotion, but it is, as of yet, untouched on my bookshelf. I tend to collect a lot of books and sometimes they sit until "the time is right"... this is one of those that I haven't tackled yet. I very much apprecitate your advice and all that you have to say. Thank you for sharing your insight.

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  3. I absolutely agree that we need that little bit of wisdom each day. It guides us in many ways. I have a couple of great reads like that. I think the one was a gift from my elderly aunt, a few years ago. (Bless her heart, I think it was meant for those struggling with addiction).. but all the same, it offers a daily reading with a quote at the end. It's all Faith based and I really enjoy it.

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    1. Hi Dawn, For some reason, I missed your comment until just now. Thanks for sharing. Yeah, I actually found another litle book like that in a "FREE BOOKS" box. With a bunch of unwanted books headed for the trash. It sounds similar, and I enjoy this little Faith boost also.

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  4. .... and in regards to Spiritual Direction, I think my husband and a very good friend of mine, who although, practices a different religion, are both much like a "guide" to me.

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    1. I'm glad you have people whom you can trust that you can talk with! What about your Bible Study? Have you met any interesting people there?

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  5. I contacted a spiritual director for the first time about nine months ago. Like you, I was getting deeper into my Catholicism and fund the constant references to a spiritual director. I didn't know what to do. I Googled "catholic spiritual director" and my region of the country. I found a woman's name (because I knew I wanted a woman) with credentials on a website that listed such things. I sent her a text message and she responded immediately. I have to drive a few hours to meet with her, but it's been great. It was a real interaction with the Holy Spirit -- she and I have so much in common and she has helped in discerning how to advance in my prayer life and in what work God wants me to do. I could go on and on but I wanted to encourage you to go find a spiritual director even if it means googling. There are a lot of women out there with training and it's a great experience.

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It's always a pleasure to hear what you've got to say!