Saying Goodbye to the Corporate World

A week ago on Friday was the last day of my full time job as a Software Engineer at GE Aviation. HOLY COW, YES-I-DID-JUST-QUIT-MY-JOB!!!!!!!!!!!  It's been such a surreal head trip, I haven't had a chance to really process it or sit down and write about it until just now. This wasn't really officially planned or thought out very well... it was a decision made more on emotion, than logic... The "smart" thing would have been to:

a) finish our home renovations
b) move
c) sell our current home
d) move the kids into the newer (much more affordable daycare in our new area) and work for another year so that we could begin to pay off the large amounts of credit card debt we are quickly racking up.

But I decided that I just didn't want to. I wanted to stop working.

So I put in my 2 weeks and resigned. It's insane really, but I want to throw financial caution to the wind and be a stay at home mom and the sooner the better. After years of praying about it, my husband is finally on board. I know there will be a lot of lifestyle changes. We eat out all the time. We buy most of the groceries and misc. household items that we need (want) without really a second thought or discussion. We don't have a tight regulated budget. We are going to have to figure out how to live off of less than 1/2 of the income we are accustomed to. I'm not exactly sure how we are going to make this work... but there is no turning back now.  (OK, well, I do know actually, and that is with Epic Withdrawals from my 401k plan and a lot of prayer, that is how.) I'm also going to have to figure out how to be WAYYYYY more domestic than I am now... and that, my friends, is a scary thought, but I am really excited about learning. I'm going to have to develop a heck of a lot more patience when interacting with my children also, so I'll have to take that day by day. I'm going to have to cook and clean and all that stuff that does not come easy to me.  I'm about as opposite of a "Martha Stewart" type as they come...

Right now I feel very humbled and extremely blessed to have my family's support in making this very huge transition in my life. I want to thank every blog reader who ever said a prayer for me when I needed it. (And there were many times when I really needed it!) Thanks to every family member and friend (Nova and Lisa) who listened to me complain for hours about my job stress.  Thanks to a few amazing co-workers (Barb and Char) who sent me off with kind words and the perfect parting gift, and for my Spiritual Encouragement group (Pat, Mike, Jim, Mike, John, and the rest of the gang) who prayed over me for "success" in my new "job" and gave me a very touching card.

And most of all, thank you to my husband, James. You are my best friend. I love you! I know I am a very lucky woman to have you and thank you for putting up with all my crap.

Anyway, the coolest part of all this was coming home last week to a "surprise party" my husband and kids put together for me.

SURPRISE!!!

I mean, how can much better can life get than walking home to a welcome like this???

My kids don't know what they are in for...

Check out my cool sign!

And I even got an Ice Cream Cake! :-)

Thanks for reading my blog. I hope you all enjoy your 4th of July weekend with family and good friends. God Bless!

 



Working Women Mothers - Leaning In?

Have you heard of Sheryl Sandberg? She is the COO of Facebook. She is 43 years old and the mother of 2 young children. She is beautiful and smart and successful. She authored the best seller Lean In, that we read and talked about for my "Women And Technology" group at work today.

I bought this book and read it in one weekend. I enjoyed every page of this book because I find her attitude and mindset so fascinating - and also because as a working-outside-the-home-mom in corporate America, every single page of this book somehow resonated with me. I literally related to every personal story she shared in her book regarding day care, the guilty feelings, the effort to "succeed" in a male dominated work force, her kids getting head lice, the breast pumping, the 'shame' about leaving work at 5:30 and not wanting your peers to know because they are working around the clock. This book is non-judgementally written and talks about giving our daughters choices and confidence to succeed and encourages women to stay in the workforce. So interesting! (I will also mention that the book is not just for working moms it is about working women in general and gender issues and how women and men are perceived differently in the corporate world - we actually are liked less the more we succeed, so we have to compensate by utilizing a different set of skills in order to be perceived as likable - a problem that men don't have to deal with. It talks about how we as women hold ourselves back by our lack of confidence and how both men and women are conditioned to do so.)

Personally, (and obviously this is my private struggle that I'm not going to talk about at work - but I'm writing about it here on my blog...) I'm facing the question on whether I should be Leaning In to my career and embracing it, as I have sacrificed and worked hard to get where I am, and it is good for my daughters to have the choice to do so and the role model as well, if that's what they want or need to do... But the entire time I'm reading this book, for me it had me shaking my head "No" and affirming that I want to Lean Out of my career and Lean More Into Motherhood. I do feel that the best of both worlds would be to have a part time job. I guess I'm just conflicted. But however you feel on the matter, as a working woman and mother, this is an enjoyable and thought provoking book to read - whether you agree with Sheryl's choices or not.

Here is a video of Sheryl speaking out at a TED talk and gives you a glimpse of the style and content of her book. Take a look if you are interested in this topic:

A working mother's best and worst day

Here is a brief glimpse at the last really good day that I had as a working mom... and it involved utilizing a paid personal business day, so I didn't have to go to work at all! (Working does have some perks!) First of all, we all slept in until the kids naturally woke up on their own and we leisurely got out of bed. Next we had breakfast, and I got my oldest ready for school and dropped her off at elementary school. I took my other 2 in for their doctor's appointments. Afterwards, my toddler was asking me if she could go to "school" because she wanted to play with her friends and told me that she "loves school". When I dropped them off at day care, my little one wanted to hold my hand and have me sit in circle time with her. She was so excited to bring me into her classroom and get to experience her world. She was beaming! The baby was all smiles. After spending a good hour with the kids in their classrooms, I left and went to go get my hair cut... not at the usual super cuts... but at an expensive salon! Woah! I do this once or twice a year. So great! Afterwards I got AN HOUR MASSAGE. AWESOME! Relaxing time for myself! Afterwards, met a girlfriend for a drink! All the time getting paid, and not feeling guilty for doing all this. After a few hours, I picked up my kids and we had a great evening. We went for a walk, we read books. The whole while thinking, I could really never ever have a day like this if I wasn't working...

Now, contrast this to a really bad day... thankfully they are not like this everyday, but they do come around once in a while... First of all, the alarm gets set wrong, or for some reason I hit the snooze button too many times.. I'm off to a late start. I fell asleep before taking out the laundry the night before, so I don't have clothes to wear. You end up wearing, you know, the really bad clothes, that you are embarrassed to wear into the office, but it's all you've got, and you know you look dumpy, but it's the best you can do. The baby starts screaming before you even leave your room. She's not co-operating. You manage to squeeze her into clothes during the screaming-bucking episode, and by this time the other children are already fighting over the toothpaste and toothbrushes, and at this time I realize I am 7 minutes from missing my daughters bus ride to school. I have an 8:30 meeting with my boss, that I am going to have to text her and tell her I am running late. (Does everyone hate that feeling as much as I do?) and after screaming and possibly spanking, losing my temper several times, and cussing a few more, manage to get everyone dressed (barely) and downstairs. The baby poops and I have to change her again. She is doing the bucking thing again and I have to hold her legs down with all my might to get her diaper changed and pants back on. She's screaming at the top of her lungs. Now my toddler is throwing a crying fit because we didn't put the right kind of headband on. I can't get her to stop. I forgot to wash my pump parts the night before, so everything is smelling like rancid milk. I'm trying to wash everything as best I can, throw lunches together, prepare the bottles, get the crib sheets and blankets together for the cots at daycare, and everything else I need for the day. By this time, the two youngest are crying and the oldest is whining that her stomach hurts. Now not only did we miss the bus, but we are actually late for school. Now I just added 20 more minutes of late to my day because I have to escort my daughter to the front desk and sign her in with a reason for her tardiness. Lovely. Getting the other two off to daycare, with at least 2 kids crying on the way. The baby has taken off her socks and her shoes... we had to pick up McGriddles from McDonald's drive thru because I had no time to feed them breakfast at home. At day care I have to park in the far spot because all the close ones are taken. Try doing that with 3 kids and crib sheets and lunches and backpacks and kids with no shoes on - no small feat. Driving to work - grateful for the solitude. During lunch, getting a call from school because my daughter said something disrespectful to a teacher. Great... thinking, look, I know how you feel, she does the same thing to me at home. At work getting an invitation to an important meeting that had to be scheduled from 4 to 5 to accommodate some managers schedule. Having to decline the meeting because, hey, day care closes at 6 and I have to pick up my kids. (Does anyone else hate THAT feeling also??) The little voice in the back of your head that reminds you that you are such a less than stellar employee.. and not only you, but everyone around you knows it... but that doesn't cut as nearly as bad as the thought that you are a less than stellar mother! Your kids getting to see you scream at them walking out the door, and scream at them coming home while trying to get them into bed. Walking in the door at 6:30, to a pig sty of a house and a stressed out husband because he has job stress and a bad back and a bad knee and chronic pain and hasn't gotten laid in over a month and can't stand to hear the baby screaming at the top of her lungs, which she does everyday at all times, because her mom has eco-breastfed her into a tyrannical crying spoiled little thing that needs constant holding and constant attention. The getting-to-bed war is as bad as the going-to-school war. Wash, Rinse, and Repeat. Some days I think, it's just gotta be better than this... like I said, not everyday is this bad, (thank God!) but some days ARE really this bad.  :-)

Disappointed

Have you gone through a time in your marriage where things just were not going well? We were there about 5 months ago. I was profoundly unhappy due to my circumstances at work and how they were negatively affecting my ability to parent and interact and be there for my children. You know, it's the classic glass half full / half empty scenario... and while I should be extremely thankful for the wonderful job that I have, the roof over our heads, the excellent school district and neighborhood we live in, the wonderful things we are able to do with our children, and the fact that we are able to make ends meet and to keep our little family together, sometimes instead of counting my blessings, it is easy for me to fall into a state of despair over it all. The bottom line is that I want to stay at home with my kids - at least while they are little. Unfortunately, it's not something I ever discussed with my husband before we married because at the time I just took for granted that I would always be career oriented. I've always worked hard at whatever job I could get my hands on ever since I've been a kid. I grew up in a family where much of our self worth was based on the answers to these questions: Are you successful? Are you debt free? Are you making a lot of money? Do you have an impressive title? The thought that I might want to stay at home for a while and not work just never really crossed my mind or seemed like a viable option. I really regret that now, because I have changed, and my priorities have changed, but we have already spent the last 12 years crafting this life together that is not so easily changed.

Five months ago, I think my mild discontent developed into a full blown depression which felt an awful lot like a black cloud always hanging over my head and could send me into a crying fit at any moment. My husband and I were constantly arguing over this. During this rough patch, I hate to say it, but we were fighting so much, and were so miserable, many of our fights would end in an all too familiar "I'm leaving!" or "I wish I could just leave!" or "I want out of this relationship!" On many occasions I would sit crying in my car, and thinking that it was my Catholic faith, and that alone, that was holding us together, and barely, it seemed. If we didn't have that, (and our children) it would have been tempting to run away.

Thank God I am in a better place for now. Part of what helped us get out of this horrible funk, was finding our "dream home" out in the country. My incredible husband was willing to move far away from his job, friends and family, to try to reduce our mortgage and taxes so that I could get one step closer to staying at home or working less hours so that I could be with my little ones more than the 2 hours a day that I get during the stressful workweek. How I have been praying for this to work out! After 5 months of dealing with bank negotiations, things have fallen apart. This is due to the bank's realtor not submitting the proper paperwork in time. We are disappointed. I don't quite know what direction to turn next. I am trying my best to trust that God is guiding this process for us.

Hi! Nice to Meet Ya!

Well, It's time to shake things up just a bit. It is either do this, or delete my blog. I mean, I'm all over the place, I know... I am working out some of my issues and I know I lack direction.

When I first started this blog I wanted to make some money. (I made 3 cents.)

Then I wanted to convert the world to Catholicism. (But who am I kidding? I need to shut up and listen to you guys!!!)

For the past year I've been seeking a lot of sympathy. (Post Partum depression, hypothyroid, probably regular depression too, yikes.)

And when I lack the guts to be TRANSPARENT, I've just stuck with safe topics, like the Holy Bible. (And how I love it so!)


So, without further delay, I would like to say:

My GOAL for 2013 is COURAGE.

The Purpose of this blog (for today at least) is to Share My Joy (and occasional pains) of Catholicism and Motherhood and Working Full Time, with anyone who cares.

My mission is finding JOY and discovering how to grow closer to Christ.

For Lent I am giving up SELFISHNESS.

Here are my 3 beauties: Lauren is 6, Leah is almost 10 months, Layna is 2. (And very soon to be: 7,1,3).

Here we are at the Mexican Restaurant/Dive down the street were we can feed our family of 5 for less than $20 (except when we order one of these...)

 

I am a software engineer. My husband, J, is a teacher.

 

We usually need a drink after all the screaming and tantrums at our house:

 

 

(Although, this picture was not taken in our house, and this is a LONG STORY for another post, but it is a picture of my 2 year old in the throes of a tantrum.)

 

Here is our beautiful church where our youngest was baptized. This is where I drive across town to get away from all the liturgical abuses I complain about in my posts:

 

 

 

Oh, yes, and my name is Sharon.  Nice to Meet You, Really, It is!

 

I wish you a wonderful lent. GOD BLESS YOU!

An Ode to my Pump In Style

This is not a typical breastfeeding post... rather, it is a tribute to my breast pump. Yes, the good old trusty Medela 2006 Pump In Style. "Old Faithful."  If you have been there and done that, then no further explanation is needed. If you have no idea what I am talking about, then it's probably best if you pass on the rest of this post.

The decision to go back to work full time after having a baby is hard. Really hard. As the maternity leave dwindles down, the dread starts setting in. You know you have to go... back.... ugh. I don't get how anyone can possibly get excited about it. You just have to deal with it. It sucks!!!!!

If you decide to pump while you are back at work, then you have an entire new set of worries. They typically go like this:
Is this going to hurt?
How will I know I am pumping enough milk for my baby while I am gone?
Do I have a plugged duct?
Am I going to get mastitis and die?
How am I going to find the time to do this at work everyday, several times a day?
Where am I going to do this?
How am I going to safely transport my milk?
Where do I put everything?
How do I explain this to other women who have no children and don't understand?
How do I explain this to men who don't understand?
What about all those mandatory lunch meetings?
What about off site training courses?
What happens if I don't pump enough milk for the next day?
Why does frozen breast milk develop such a terrible taste and is it safe for my baby?
How do I sterilize all these parts?
This is so overwhelming, can I possibly do this?

If anyone cares, I can write a future post about breastfeeding survival at work 101, as I do feel I have earned professional status in this arena. (Yeah, like this may be the one and only thing I am good at.) I pumped full time with my last child for 17 months and currently things are going OK with my 10 month old. My breast pumps are getting a lot of daily use. I have developed some "best practices" that have kept me going that I will be happy to share. (This isn't the original direction of where I wanted to take this post, but it's just where it has gone :-)

So, my dear very old Pump In Style, we are like old friends. Even though I hate you at times and can't wait until I no longer need you, I do appreciate you. I have to remind myself just why I appreciate you:

You save me money.
You help me maintain a long term nursing relationship with my baby.
You help me feel connected to my baby during the day when I can't be with her.
You give me an excuse to sit alone for a few minutes in solitude so I can read or think in peace.
You are keeping my periods away.
You keep me humble.
You remind me of God's amazing gift to women in our ability to bear children and provide for them.
You help me to burn 500 calories a day without working out.
You are helping me naturally space my babies without having to chart or contracept.
If I see any other woman with a black pump in style bag, I am your immediate friend.
You have provided me with humorous moments, (mostly stories of when men ask what is in the little black bag, or when someone pays a compliment on the "computer case".)
I can sell you on eBay when I'm ready to dump you.

The Wedding Invitation That Changed My Life

This post is about how God sets into motion circumstances that change our lives.  It is how He uses other people to lead us to Him through grace.

When my oldest child was born, 6 1/2 years ago, I was successfully selling real estate and making a lot of money, working late nights and every weekend, and not practicing my faith. I got fed up with it all when I missed my daughters 1st birthday because I had to drive across town to show a home to a young couple who ended up ditching me anyway and the deal ended up falling through. I was not able to spend the day as I had planned with my little princess, firstborn, who had just turned one. I was devastated.

Eventually I started sending out resumes in order to obtain a job that was Monday through Friday, in the hopes that I could enjoy the weekends and evenings with my husband and daughter. I knew I would have to take a pay cut, but I didn't care.

I got a call from a company that I was not particularly interested in. It was far from home. I'm not even sure why I went to the interview. I already decided when I walked in that I wasn't going to work there. I didn't like it. They sent me home with an application, which I never filled out, and I never mailed it back to them. I wasn't interested.

Then they called. They wanted to hire me.

I said I wasn't interested. I let the application collect dust on the counter.

A couple weeks later I received an offer of employment from this company. It was for over $25k per year more than the other job offers I had received.

When they called again I tried to gracefully decline, using my current job as an "excuse" because I had some closings I wanted to see to completion in the next couple of months. They told me I could work part time and set my own schedule, they were completely flexible. They literally made it impossible for me to say no! I agreed to start on Valentine's Day and work 2 days a week to "test the waters".

At this place, I was in an alien environment. IT WAS A COMPLETE RADICAL SHIFT FROM WHAT I WAS USED TO.  I went from working with a bunch of women who drove very expensive cars, got their weekly manicures, lived in McMansions, and dressed very fashionable. Now I was working with a bunch of computer nerds who talked about jet engines, the inner workings of compilers, and an awful lot about the bible...

What a bunch of GEEKS!

 

That was all I could think at first as I just kept to myself and tried to adjust.

Now for the God part... it didn't take me too long to realize that everyone around me in my row of cube-mates was Catholic. (Well, one guy was Russian Orthodox, but he was off site most of the time, so I'm not counting him.)  But seriously folks, I'm talking the-most-devout-Catholics-I-had-never-met-before-Catholic. I was surrounded by 3 people in my row, and 3 others that would come over from other rows to talk to the people in my location, for a total of 6 completely practicing and devout Catholics hovering near by on a daily basis.  I tried hard to ignore them all.

But the people who sat by me, were just so nice...

I was very surprised when one of the gentleman asked me for my address.

"Why?" I wanted to know, always suspicious.

"So I can invite you to my daughter's wedding." 

"But you don't even know me!" was all I could say...

"Well, sure I do. Come on, it will be a good time. We would love to have you there."

So, I reluctantly gave him my address. And when I received the beautiful formal wedding invitation in the mail my bad attitude turned downright horrible when a small card fell out of the RSVP envelope, and it said this:

Our Wedding Ceremony is being held in a Traditional Roman Catholic Church. In honor of the Blessed Sacrament, we request that no sleeveless dresses be worn and that all women please cover their heads. (Veils will be provided.) Thank you.
 

I grimaced and gawked. My mouth hanging open in disbelief. I mean, this actually offended me. Blinded with pride, I called my sister and read her the invitation and we laughed at it. I jokingly told her, "I don't even OWN a dress that has sleeves. There is no way I'm wearing a stinking veil. I am NOT going to this wedding."

I RSVP'd "No" and told my co-worker that we were going to be out of town that weekend.

He smiled and said genuinely, "I'm so sorry to hear that. But... we will see you at the next wedding then. It will probably be next year." (My last thought was... Good grief, this guy has 7 kids and 5 daughters. Please don't invite me, I am going to have to come up with another excuse to decline...)   

But God had other plans.

To Be Continued... click here

 

I hate my job

I'll spare the gory details... but I am fed up with my job. Right now I hate it.

I'm committed to putting in a 40 hour work week, and dealing with a 2 hour commute every day. And I realize this comes at a cost, and it is my family, and my health, that suffers for it. I also realize it brings many blessings (not really for me at all, but for my family), which I've talked about on here before, and that is why this is a difficult thing to just walk away from.
But I've really had it.

A new position, which is much much more visible and demanding. (No official promotion, though, just a lot more work and a lot more stress, yeah, one of those kind of deals...)

I can't take having to work every evening for hours after the kids go to bed, just so I can "keep up".

I can't take crying in the bathroom anymore because something isn't working and I'm already past the deadline, and I've had no training, and I've been thrown into something beyond which I can handle.

I can't handle feeling like a failure anymore.

I can't handle putting my husband and kids on the backburner.

I can't handle my two year old calling me "daddy" because she sees so little of me.

I can't handle the stress this is causing on my marriage because of built up resentment towards my husband because I hate my job. (And his built up resentment towards me from lack of intimacy, because I am too tired, from lack of taking care of the house, because I am never here, and from in-general all the things I should or could be doing that I can't because I am tied up trying to wrap up yet another 'urgent' work item.)

I can't handle spending more money on daycare than on my mortgage and 2 car payments, combined.

My company is sucking the life out of me.

Every week now since my daughter started CCD, I have met yet another homeschooling mom. Great for them, but it's driving me crazy with jealousy.

I used to think that this was "my cross to bear" and have been trying for the past 4 years to make the best of my situation, but now I am not sure why God would even want me to stay here. I've already learned to swallow my pride, I have been humbled. I have learned to accept people that I have strongly disliked. I have learned not to judge others as much.

Not sure where this is all leading, but it's just where I am at right now. Please say a prayer for me.

Awesome Catholic Working Moms and The Year of Faith

Next month begins the start of our Catholic Year of Faith. Pope Benedict XVI is launching this initiative to inspire us to share our Catholic Faith with others and to personally grow closer to God.

Now, my wonderful Catholic Mothers who are Working Outside the Home in a secular job, this post is especially for you. I have been thinking today about how our jobs provide us with a very special challenge and an opportunity to be a Catholic presence and a blessing to our co-workers who we encounter on a daily basis. Not to exclude mom's working in Catholic bookstores, Catholic schools, Churches, or other Catholic institutions, or mom's staying at home and taking care of your children, in fact, I wish I could trade places with you. However, I'm talking about evangelizing today! For me it seems easier to show off your Catholicism when you are sitting in circle time surrounded by the women in your Catholic Mom's prayer group, meeting the other good Holy Catholic Mothers in your Catholic homeschooling co-op group, or hanging out with your 100% supportive and fully practicing Catholic family. Yet some of us are single moms. Some of us are married to non-Catholics. Some of us have teenagers or other family members that may have decided long ago that the Catholic Church is not worth their time. And then some of us just spend the majority of our day surrounded by non believers just trying to survive the daily grind of life. People who are obsessed with their new I-Phones, the stock market, who is going to win the Big Game this weekend, what Lady Gaga is wearing today, and who is performing on Dancing With the Stars this season. When your daily peer group is not religious, there is always a little bit of discomfort with religion. I can tell you personally that I don't like to draw attention to myself. I want to sit quietly alone and do my thing. I do not want to make others uncomfortable, and I definitely do not want to be singled out as some kind of judgemental Holy Roller. However, it is growing more and more evident that at some point you need to foster your courage and convictions and just be who you are. I am getting better at this, but have a lot of work to do. I pray to the Holy Spirit for help with this.

Here are some small steps I have taken to be a positive Catholic influence in my workplace. Maybe this will encourage you in some way at your job. Or better yet, perhaps you can give me some additional ideas and inspiration.

Please share your thoughts!

Here are a few ways that I quietly evangelize and share my faith while at work:
1) I have worn a miraculous medal of Our Lady that I had blessed by a priest almost everyday for the last several years. (The chain it was on recently broke from wear... I really need to get a replacement.)
2) I put a pro-life bumper sticker on my car. "Children are a Gift from God." (And the 3 carseats crammed in there, and the tons of toys and religious books and rosaries scattered around I am sure make an impression.) Hundreds of people in the parking lot see this every day. Who knows what they are thinking? I am going to donate some $ to 2 local Catholic radio stations next and get some of their stickers on my car soon.
3) I finally got the guts to put up a Holy Card of St. Gianna Molla on my cube wall. (What an awesome pro-life, working-Mother, modern day Saint! St. Gianna, pray for us!)
4) I make the sign of the cross and say grace before all my meals at work and home. (Have you ever had to do this in front of your executive VPs at a business lunch meeting? It's a little uncomfortable.)
5) This goes without saying, but as a Working Catholic Mom, don't be a near occasion of sin for your fellow male co-workers. It's great to look feminine, but don't dress slutty. I only wear pants or long skirts these days.
6) Don't gossip.
7) Don't use bad language, swear, or step into inappropriate yet interesting conversations. (This can be challenging, and is a reminder to myself to be stronger in these areas!)
8) I don't hide the fact that I do not eat meat on Fridays. Just today, my boss was asking for lunch recommendations for our team meeting for tomorrow. I asked her to order a "non-meat" pizza via email. She responded and asked if I was a vegetarian or if I just preferred my pizza meatless. I said, "I just don't eat meat on Fridays." (If she mentions it further, I think I'll explain that I do this as a religious observance, "Like Lent, but all year around." or something to that effect.)
9) I try to go to Mass during lunch when I am really stressed out. It's a really great thing to do when I get a chance to actually do it.
10) When someone shares something about a family member or friend in trouble or having health issues, I let them know, "I'll keep them in my prayers" (and then I actually do it, and try to remember their name and inquire about the individual later). I have been thinking about carrying around a little "prayer notebook" to keep track of names of random people. So many people need prayers for so many reasons.

So, how do you bring your Catholic presence to your work? What areas can you push yourself to do more of to bring in the Year of Faith?

Have a great day and thanks for visiting!

My Blessings as a Working Mother

Today our alarm woke our family up at 4 am in the morning. We hurried to get ready so that I could drop my two oldest daughters and their father off by 5:45 am at the airport. He is taking them to Florida for an entire week to visit his sister. My daughters were very excited because they have never been on a plane before. We decided that I would stay behind with the baby this time. What a sight to behold, my hubby trying to negotiate 2 suitcases, a stroller, a car seat, a Dora backpack filled with books and movies, a Tablet PC with a splitter and 2 headphones, a very active 6 year old, a precocious 2 year old and one very important stuffed Bulldog. He is indeed a brave man! His vacation has just begun...

...And so has mine!

After work today, I picked up the baby, made a frozen pizza and a large bowl of ice cream, and I'm sitting on my bed eating dinner, on my computer, with my baby sleeping on my lap. My house is messy and there are dishes and laundry to do, that are definitely not going to get done tonight, and probably not tomorrow either. The house is ... completely quiet ... I am completely alone with my lovely sleeping baby. Does this sound awesome, or what?!? This type of solitude is very rare (actually, non-existent) in this house. As I sit here enjoying the tranquility I feel compelled to write this blog post. I will try to explain.

I have been feeling negative about having to work for quite a while now, and I realize that my attitude is reflected in some of my blog posts. The truth of the matter is that it is difficult to have to put your kids in daycare and not be able to be there to spend time with them during the day. I sometimes feel terrible guilt over it. Also, I really love to read other Catholic mothers' blogs. Sometimes it is the only way I can really connect "mom-to-mom" and share the "Faith" side of my life... which is so important to me. I do have my husband, but he is a man, and sometimes well, it is just nice to have a girlfriend. We have a very secular network of friends and I really turn to the blogosphere to get in touch with other practicing Catholics. I often feel like such an outsider. I don't fit in the "regular" world. I don't have many friends, except for two kind women that I have met along the way and they have kept me around. I haven't told either of these two close friends about my blog, can you imagine that? I haven't told my family about it either (except my sister). I just feel more comfortable being anonymous at this stage. I know a lot of my new attitudes and behaviours will or do seem "radical" and out of place amongst my peer group and family members, many of whom do not fully embrace Church teaching. I try to quietly witness and set a good example, and not preach or judge. I definitely don't want to lose the only 2 female friendships I have in my life, or the connection I have with my family.

But I don't quite fit into the typical "good Holy Catholic Mother" world either. We stopped going to our TLM after much discerning, not because it isn't the best and most beautiful celebration of the Holy Mass that we have ever encountered, but in large part because I was the only non homeschooling mom there in a very tight knit community. We also had an unusually small family due to finally "getting with it" at such a late stage in our marriage. We stuck out. Now nobody probably even cares, no one is singling us out and saying, "Oh my gosh, you only have 3 kids" and "What a horrible parent... you send your kids to public school." But the pressure is driven from within my own heart. I am probably my own worst enemy. Anyway, I felt, and at times feel, inadequate and "less than". It is difficult to explain the dichotomy, other than "caught between two worlds". I admire homeschooling moms so much and am so drawn to want to know your world better and be your friend. To be more like you.

But back to the subject of this post...

Although I struggle at times, there are many positives I can come up with. God has led me where I am at this point in my journey, and I want to thank Him and conclude this post by reflecting on the blessings I have received as a working mom.

Here is my list:


1. 100% because of circumstances at my workplace, I have come back to the Catholic Church. This is my largest blessing.

2. Working is required for our family to make ends meet - (and it is a struggle even with me working!) I don't think our marriage could handle the stress or fighting that would ensue if we didn't have 2 incomes - we just couldn't swing it even with eliminating/cutting back every non-essential.

3. We don't have an extravagant home by any means, but we live in a very safe community. This was not always the case for us and we are thankful.

4. We can afford extra-curricular activities for the children that we would not be able to participate in if I did not work - swimming lessons and soccer.

5. I have a one hour commute to work. I say the rosary on the way in to work every morning. I don't think this would happen if I was at home - I would be way too distracted. It is sometimes the only time I have to really pray.

6. At work, I have encountered many strong and faithful Catholic co-workers. This has been a significant blessing.

7.  Knowing my weaknesses, I don't think I would be a very good stay at home mom or homeschooling mom.

8. I am able to have paid maternity leaves.

9. My job helps us to save for our retirement/future.

10. If the children have to be in daycare, at least it is very nice child care. They really do enjoy it. They have many friends at school and enjoy sign language classes, dance, field trips, all kinds of interesting things that I probably wouldn't get a chance to expose them to.

11. I really appreciate coming home every day and having dinner with my family.

12. Because of my job, I have been able to come to terms with many issues from long ago and I think it has forced me to deal with certain people and grow into a better and more accepting person.

13. Because of past jobs I have met the two friends that I am thankful for.

14. Who knows, maybe I have made an impact on somebody's life at work for the better or have somehow brought them closer to God? I hope so.

15. My job can be very mentally challenging and there is rarely a day when I am bored.

Thanks for reading this post! God Bless...

Confessions of a Part-Time Ecological Breastfeeder

Have you heard of Ecological Breastfeeding?

I sure hadn’t.  I had read in several baby books about the delay of fertility, that I might expect, but according to my doctor, shouldn't rely on, if I was going to exclusively breast feed my baby for the first 6 months. Nearing the 3 month postpartum mark and my impending return to work, I wanted to get serious about exploring Family Planning options.

Google brought me to NFP International where I discovered the “Seven Standards” of Ecological Breastfeeding in Sheila Kippley’s book, Natural Family Planning – The Complete Approach. Here they are:


          1.       Breastfeed exclusively for the first six months of life; don't offer your baby other liquids and solids, not even water.


          2.      Pacify or comfort your baby at your breasts.


          3.      Don't use bottles and don't use pacifiers.


          4.      Sleep with your baby for night feedings.


          5.      Sleep with your baby for a daily-nap feeding.


          6.     Nurse frequenty day and night and avoid schedules.


          7.     Avoid any practice that restricts nursing or separates you from your baby.  


Huh? Was this a little too much? I immediately felt an immense wave of sadness overcome me. I think I even started to cry a little. Because, I thought I could never do this. Not that I wouldn’t love to… but… well, it just seemed to fly in the face of every cultural norm that I knew. Nobody I know parents like this. Doctors and Family and Well Meaning Friends just … don’t DO things like this and say it shouldn’t be done even if it could be done.  At least in my circles! I know I had to return to work in a few weeks. Circumstances dictated that I would have to put my child in day care and be separated from my baby for at least 10 hours a day, Monday through Friday. Certainly not the ideal, but it was the life we had created up to this point and I couldn't quickly change that. I dried my eyes, and resolved to exclusively breast feed at home and pump at work and cross my fingers and hope the 6 months of breastfeeding infertility would stick, despite the lengthy separation and the pumping.   


But a seed was planted with this powerful, new found knowledge… and I couldn’t shake it. It opened my eyes and opened my heart to a new attitude about mothering. It began to give me confidence and encouragement.  During my maternity leave, it was easy to follow these standards, but what about after resuming work? Maybe, just maybe, I could apply some of these principles to my life, even as a Full-Time-Working-Outside-The-Home Mother. Was this crazy? I felt there was something beneficial I could take away from the Seven Standards and apply to my own parenting style, beyond my maternity leave, in the ways that I was able to. It ended up being a fantastic journey. 


Nursing went well this time –my 2^nd time around.  It didn’t happen quite like this with my 1^st child. I had a terribly difficult time with establishing and maintaining our short-lived nursing relationship and there was a lot of emotional and physical pain. During that time I was hardly sure of myself.  I would have to go to a separate room and nurse alone if others were around.  But now I was learning how to feel comfortable nursing discretely in a crowded room full of people, or at a restaurant, or in front of my In-Laws, or during Mass. Before I lived by a schedule – even my daughter’s pediatrician told me to do this! Every 2 hours was expected. If she cried before the 2 hour mark, we would rock her, put her in the vibrating baby chair, or use a  a pacifier… Whatever it took, besides the breast. But not this time! Now I let my baby nurse when I was home from work, whenever, and as often as she wanted.  No restrictions! Sometimes she would sleep for an hour or two, and that was fine. But more often than not, she would want to nurse every 15 minutes, and that became fine too. We just continued on our business.  I would often have to sit down for a few minutes or creatively figure out how to get things done with one hand, while I cradled the baby while she comforted herself at the breast. And we all adapted. A Baby Bjorn and a sling helped a lot while doing chores. So did my supportive husband who helped me out a lot around the house. The nursing sessions were quick and so easy and provided so much comfort. It worked very well for us. It really helped to take the sting out of being away from my little one all day long to come home from work and nurse unconditionally without worrying about schedules, having to cry it out, or denying what was so easy and so natural for both of us to do.

Before returning to work, I initally had major fears about day care and how this was going to all play out. Would it be unfair to treat my baby to constant holding, unrestricted nursing, attachment-style parenting while with me, but deny her this while dropping her off at day care in the morning? Was this cruel? Could she handle the culture shock? Will she be crying all day for me? It was breaking my heart. Well, let's just say, after 2 rounds of implementing these eco-breastfeeding standards while at home (or at least the ones that I was able to), and maintaining a demanding full time career, that it turned out that it actually was do-able for our family. It is amazing how my children have handled it. They definately know that I am not there during the day, so they aren't going to get to nurse unconditionally. I leave 3-4 bottles of expressed milk each day that I have pumped the day before during my work day and that has always been enough. All of my children have cried very little during day care, probably because of all the activity and distractions. My daughter is usually sleeping peacefully when I drop her off, so I leave her in her infant seat to nap (so I don't wake her), and she is usually smiling during the afternoon pick up. Amazing! They have always adapted and have learned what to expect in these two very different worlds. And yes, they know when I walk in the door after work and they immediately want me to hold and nurse them. It is always a blissful reunion.

In addition to the unrestrained nursing called out for in the Seven Standards, the other major paradigm shift was my new attitude about co-sleeping. With baby #1 I had read “Twelve Hours’ Sleep by Twelve Weeks Old: A Step-by-Step plan for Baby Sleep Success” in a desperate attempt to resume my sanity with a colicky 3 month old. I was a walking zombie, miserable, and trying to combat postpartum depression.  On the occasions when I would accidentally fall asleep in bed while nursing her in the side-laying position, I would guiltily wake up and try and place her back in her crib without waking her and promise not to be so careless again. After all, co-sleeping is dangerous!  Her pediatrician kept checking at each appointment to make sure that she was sleeping in her own crib. After reading about ecological breastfeeding, and learning that yes, there are many mothers in the world, including the United States and not just third world countries, who happily and effectively parent this way, I knew I wanted to give this a shot.  The fact that I could actually get a good night’s sleep was extremely appealing. The chance that it could delay my fertility was definitely an added bonus. Despite my husband’s initial protests, I brought my 2^nd infant into our family bed. (I followed the safe sleep recommendations for co-sleeping found on Dr. Sears’ website – a great resource.) In another wonderful way, parenting was becoming easier and easier. Co-workers and acquaintances would ask, “So, how is the baby? YOU can’t be getting any sleep, now can you?” However, I could honesty look them in the eye and answer them with a smile, “Actually, we are both sleeping REALLY well!”.  It was my own special little secret and it was making everything so incredibly easy. Gone were the days of having to sneak into the baby’s room during the middle of the night to make sure she was still breathing. No longer did I have to get out of bed for a 2 am feeding half asleep. With co-sleeping, we both slept all through the night without having to get out of bed (except for the occasional diaper change). The nursing was so natural, I usually didn't remember doing it or know how much it happened during the night. All I know is that, unlike last time, there was no engorgement, no resentment, and no fatigue. I was a happier person. When my husband and I wanted some “alone time”, I would nurse the baby into a deep sleep and lay her in the crib, where she would sleep for an hour or two, and bring her back into bed with me later, when she woke up. Every night we slept well together, and why, oh why, hadn't I done this with my first child? Unfortunately I was conditioned to think there was something inherently bad about co-sleeping. How very wrong I was... this was a million times BETTER for so many reasons! 

We joyfully continued this existence for the next 16 months! It had been over 2 years since I had a period! I was actually happy when my cycle finally returned because I had forgotton what it was like. Hormone free, pill free, and device free, this time around, it felt good knowing that my body was doing exactly what it was made to do. I was ready to try again at this point and the next month, I became pregnant. I enjoyed an amazing time bonding with my newborn and 16 months of infertility because I was able to embrace the ideologies of ecological breastfeeding, even while working full time! I truly beleive that co-sleeping made this possible. My last 2 children are 2 years and 1 month apart. Now, I know I may be one of the lucky ones, and that these methods while effective, can't offer every working mom the same guarantee. However, my experience has been so positive that I wanted to share my story. The many benefits I received were not only physical, but spiritual as well. The Ecological Breastfeeding Standards taught me that it was "OK" for me to nurse my baby the way I wanted to and worry less about how I was "supposed" to do things, even though I wasn't doing it strictly by the book. I'd like to say "Thank you" to Sheila Kippley, for making your information readily available on the internet. I am forever grateful. I am now enjoying unrestricted nursing (when I am not at work) and co-sleeping with my 3^rd baby. If it is in God's plan that I am to be a mother again, I would so much love to naturally space my babies 2 years apart once more. I will let you know how it all works out!