A Bitter Cup...

Well, it's past midnight, and I've gotta get up at 5:00am for a dreaded all day meeting tomorrow... and my laptop battery has ~ 20% remaining, so I will try to bang out a cohesive post in the next 25 minutes so I can go to sleep. Here goes:

Today at work a coworker mentioned lent and he talked briefly about something that he wanted to give up. Somehow we got on the topic of COFFEE, and I mentioned how that is something I should consider. (I did this one year by the way, and it is HARD.) He joked how giving up coffee would be disastrous for him, and frankly, at this stage and age, I think I agreed with him. So I half-joked that I should give up drinking McDonald's coffee... (so good in the morning!) and drink the crappy coffee at work, that would be penance enough for me. He talked about how he puts massive amounts of sugar in HIS coffee and drinking his black would be extremely difficult for him. Well, I love my coffee black, and I laughed about how putting sugar IN my coffee to drink would be a sacrifice on my end.

And really, where am I going with all this?

Basically, we are all so wonderfully unique that our trials in life are completely different. I can't help but think about how I started out in life not even knowing if I wanted any kids (due to fear and selfishness), and there are countless couples out there suffering from infertility who would give anything to have kids, but cannot. I complain that "I have to work" and don't see my kids enough, while the stay at home mom of 4 across the street is complaining that she cannot find a job and wants to work. Isn't the grass always greener on the other side? Your internal every day trials and my trials may seem trivial in the face of a life threatening illness or other medical issue, but it is suffering, mental or otherwise, nonetheless and is valid and real. Yeah, even aging is a form of suffering. Who out there is excited to be "over the hill" and watch your physical youth and beauty fade away, slowly, year by year?
Some insight on Temptations yesterday from my spiritual reading can be summed up like this:  There is great variety in our trials and temptations. Some of us have very serious temptations after deciding to turn to God and live a Christian life. Some suffer cruel illnesses near the end of a very easy life. Some of us have trials every day all throughout life. Some of us have it easier than others. It is all part of God's mysterious plan and His great wisdom and justice. But one thing is this: All things given, good and bad, are for our salvation, if we follow the will of God. This is how we become saints!

Oh, how I hate suffering and have a hard time embracing my cross. (Maybe I'm not running from it, but it's more like I'm dragging it behind me...) I'm not sure how to really change this, but I know prayer can help.

And I'm not making this stuff up on my own, but rather sharing with you from what I am reading... Here are two little prayers for encouragement.

Prayer for Light

Enlighten me, O good Jesus, with the brightness of eternal light, and let all darkness depart from my heart. Let me see through my wandering thoughts and help me to replace them with good, healthy thinking. Defend me against the evil beasts that come to me in the shape of attractive desires. Bestow on me true interior peace through Your power, so that Your praise may echo within my soul as in a holy temple. Command the tempests and storms. Say to the sea, "Be still!" Call to the raging wind, "Blow Not!" And there shall be a great calm within my soul. Amen.

Prayer Against Temptations

Lord, my God, do not depart far from me. Please look upon me and help me. Evil thoughts have risen up against me and great fears afflict my soul. How am I to pass on without being harmed by them?  Show me how I may crush them. You have said, "I will go before you and will humble the great ones of the earth. I will open the gates of prison and will make known to you hidden secrets." Dear Lord, do as You say, and let all wicked thoughts and desires flee before Your face. Amen.

Do Normal People Have a Spiritual Director?

Today, I am wondering about Spiritual Direction.

I am just a pretty average "normal" person. (And what I mean by "normal" and average, is that I am not a consecrated religious, I do not have a theology degree, nor write spiritual writings for a living. I am just a struggling working mom of 3, wishing that I could be at home with my kids, but financially I need to work.) I'd be lying if I said I was not having a hard time with this. One highpoint, however, is that over the last 5 years I have REALLY turned to my faith... reading the Bible, getting to know all about Catholicism, teaching my children about our Faith and God, getting to know the Catechism. It has been great! In many writings and radio programs and religious circles and catholic forums, you'll constantly hear people referring to their "spiritual director" ... or recommend getting one, or talking to your own, (as if everyone has one.)  Well, I don't know about you, but I have seriously wondered about this, and I don't exactly feel comfortable asking the priests I hardly know, if they would be open to "spiritually directing" me. (I think this would be a huge annoying burden to them. They are busy enough as it is. And besides, isn't that type of thing reserved for priests and young men in the seminary)? I am really curious if anyone else (especially female) has ever wondered about this, and if you have sought out "spiritual direction" as a layperson. How did you do it, and who do you talk to? How often do you meet? What do you talk about?

Since I don't have a spiritual director, I am using a little book that I found, called "My Daily Bread: A Summary of the Spiritual Life" which is a short daily reflection and includes a little prayer to read everyday, that only takes one minute or so. The coolest thing is that the priest who wrote it, Father Anthony J. Paone of the Confraternity of the Precious Blood, (sometime in the 1950's) said that you can take every daily reading as a direct message to you from Our Lord and that often you will receive a singular "grace" for that day to help you in some way in your spiritual path, to grow closer to Christ.

I want to write a follow up post on The Predominant Fault to explain further about what this means and what happened to me after I prayed to God to show me what mine was. (I am still trying to figure this out, but at least I am aware now that the question needed to be asked!) Boy, do I have a long way to grow spiritually! I have been reading this little gem daily for 43 days. I keep it in my car and pull it out in the parking lot before I go into work every day. I admit, sometimes I even put it in my coat pocket and I will take it into the bathroom at work to read it to get "My Daily Bread"... it is rather addictive. It is like I have my own little makeshift spiritual director.