105 Waves, 3 Thumbs Down, and 2 Middle Fingers

Today our church had a "Life Chain". We gathered on the sidewalks up and down the busy streets surrounding the local abortuary for about 5 blocks on each side of the road.  We all held signs and stood peacefully by the street in view of every passing car. It was a good turn out.

I wanted to keep things as "entertaining" as possible for my 6 year old, so I suggested we wave at every passing car and see if we could get 100 people to wave back at us. I would estimate about 1000 people drove by. Most saw us, as it was impossible not to, but pretended not to see. Most didn't care. A lot of people honked and waved and smiled. (This was '1' point each.) My 6 year old, and I, kept smiling and waving. Some people reluctantly waved or gave a little nod. (Hard to ignore a little 6 year old vigorously waving at you with all her excitement and her toothless grin... '1' point each.) A few people gave us a big "Thumbs Down"... and 2 horrible people held up their middle finger, looking directly at US... towards me as I held my 6 month old infant and my waving smiling 6 year old. One guy even yelled "F You!" at the top of his lungs with so much anger, I felt a backlash of anger welling up in myself. Who would flip off a little girl and a new born baby? Are you for real? It was appalling. I had to stifle the urge to flip HIM off 2 fold. (I told you, I am not always the perfect Christian.) Fortunately, I got a hold of myself and realized that THOSE were the people whom we were standing out there for... the people that were REALLY angry that we were there. Those people are the poor souls that we need to pray and fast for in order to bring about a conversion of their hearts and for the salvation of their souls. Why would they be so angry? They were all old men! Can you believe that? What happened in your past to make you hate what we were doing so much? To make you hate all that pro-life stands for? To yell horrible obscenities at my little girls? There was so much hatred in those gestures, even if for only a passing instant on a busy street. Is it because you are voting for Obama? Is it because you have turned against God because of something painful that happened to you?  Did you and an ex girlfriend from your long-ago past make a decision to terminate her pregnancy and now you have buried the hurt deep inside and have to justify it through a hatred of Christianity?

My little daughter asked me what that "bad sign" meant, I could only shake my head in disbelief and tell her that it meant something very mean, and that those people were not on "our side"... they didn't believe that all babies should have a chance at being born and that if a mother didn't want to have a baby then she could decide just to make the baby go away, instead of offering the baby for another family who wanted to raise and love the child. Even my daughter had the sense to look at me and say, "Well how can they think THAT?  Even they were born..."

It all reminded me of Ronald Reagan's famous quote:

"I've noticed that everyone who is for abortion has already been born."

So, after we collected our 100 waves, we stood for a few more minutes to catch just 5 more, to make up for the 5 "Bad Guys". And when we gathered together to say our Rosary at the end, we said it not only for the intention of all the innocent babies slaughtered through abortion, but also for those 5 people who didn't like our signs. God only knows what good these things do... it usually feels like a lost effort and that you aren't going to change anybody's mind. But I know we have to keep trying.

A Rosary Question

Which do you think has more merit?

1) An entire Rosary,  devoutly recited in prayerful solitude

-or-

2) One decade of the Rosary, very hastily said, with your husband and kids, while your 2 year old is crying to go downstairs and read books and your 6 year old is asking for 2nds of the left over mashed potatoes?

Paradise By the Catholic Dashboard Light

Someday I would like to sit down and write about the loneliness I feel after my reversion. My husband and I are the only practicing Catholics in our immediate families.

Sometimes I search for my Faith Family in the most unlikely of places... like in parking lots and on the highway. This may sound desperate, but as I have mentioned before, I spend a lot of time on the road and it is where I spend most of my time praying and listening to Catholic media.

I always get a big goofy smile on my face when I drive by another Catholic. Whether it is a rosary hanging around the rear view mirror, a pro-life bumper sticker, a vanity plate with a Catholic message, or even a mini-van with a more-than-usual-number of those crazy family stickers, I feel an instant connection with you as we pass each other on the way about our daily business. I actually thank God for all of you people. And the coolest thing is, every day, I see more and more of you. It is as if we are multiplying. I like to think of all of us as one big army and we are rallying the troops.

The other day I pulled in at a random rest stop off a major Interstate highway and the car who pulled in next to me happened to be a family of 8. They just kept coming and coming... I smiled as I saw all those kids, and YES, rosary around the mirror. Hello, fellow Catholics! I told my kids to look at that awesome Catholic family. When they left, another car pulled in their place, and I noticed a scapular and a picture of Our Lady of Guadalupe around their mirror. Hello, Friends! And to top this off, as I was pulling out, and exiting the parking lot, there was a nun in full habit getting out of her car! We honked and waved, even though I am not sure that this little old sister knew why we were so excited...

Just a week before this as I was driving down I-75 to work, and I noticed a businessman driving on my right had a simple picture of a rosary silhouette in his rear window. Yeah! Good Morning, Catholic! And it even gets better, just as we were in line with each other, ANOTHER car passed me on the left, and it was a huge white truck with a bumper sticker that said, very boldly, My Favorite Weapon, and had a picture of a rosary. We were all 3 in line at the exact same time on the road. Coincidence? Or God's way of reminding me that I have plenty of like-minded family members, and they are everywhere.

A Grace from Our Lord During Adoration...

I haven't been blogging lately... but I have been reading others' wonderful blogs. My heart just hasn't been into it. In fact, to be quite honest, I have been feeling angry and depressed and uninspired lately. I am having an "OK" lent, but at times, feel like I am going through the motions. I've been very frustrated with my job circumstances and the micro-managing behaviour of my boss. (When I took my new job a year ago, he promised me flexibility and the ability to work from home when I needed it in order to take care of my child care issues, occasional sick kids, and not to mention the medical aspects of dealing with my pregnancy... He has since changed his tune and said "No working from home."  He is doing things like watching the clock and keeping tabs of anyone who comes in 5 minutes late. It's insulting and annoying.) I have been growing increasingly resentful of him and my job and my 2 hour daily commute and the demands of the 9-10 hours a day and how it negatively impacts my abilities as a wife and mother, but for now we really need this income. Unfortunately, my patience has worn so thin, it is so stressful in my attempts to wake up the kids every morning at 5:45 am every day and get everyone ready, carting them off to daycare, and having to worry about getting into the office and log in by the "right time" so my boss will see that I am "on line". I have been getting angrier and angrier and taking this all out on my kids and my husband. I have been increasingly using more profanity and yelling at my children, and taking Our Lord's name in vain, it is becoming quite a habit. In fact, for the last few weeks, since before Lent, I felt that I needed to take this to Confession, so I stopped receiving Communion. Every week we seem to be so tired, or so behind, or so busy, we have missed Confession, or it has been cancelled, and for one reason or another, haven't been able to get there in time. (Not really conducive to a great Lent... ) Anyway, yesterday, I found a nail in my front tire, so got to break away to get it fixed (no kids in tow.) Afterwards, I was supposed to go straight home and get ready for Mass, but thought I could take a little time to myself, (about an hour) to go visit a perpetual adoration chapel nearby that I love, but don't get a chance to go as often as I would like. This was a perfect opportunity. It is so peaceful and quiet and serene. There are a few tiny rows of chairs with kneelers, and one rocking chair in the very back. I just sat down in that rocker and sank back and started praying to God... "I am sorry for my horrible attitude... please help me to find the time and opportunity to get to Confession... I keep missing it." I even asked for a priest to walk into the adoration chapel at random so I could ask him to hear my Confession so I could start receiving Communion and be in the right state of mind again. I prayed to help me feel Joy again, that I have been missing too much of lately, and to help me not feel so angry, and look for the blessings in my situation (which is not all that bad after all, thank God I have a job, when many are unemployed, thank God I have my health, when many are suffering, etc.) I prayed for answers to my job situation... either accept this current state as God's will, or find something "better" with His help. I prayed to be a better and more patient mother and wife. At that point, I started to say a Rosary, but about 1/4 of the way into it, I was so exhausted, and it was so quiet and dim, I feel asleep in the back with the rosary in my hand. I don't know how long I was asleep, maybe 20 minutes, maybe longer? But I finally woke up and thought it was so strange that nobody else was coming in. Usually on a Saturday afternoon there are at least 1 or 2 other visitors who come in to pray. I was grateful for the solitude. Then I heard someone opening the door from the outside, and walking up the stairs... Time for my silence to be over, but it was a much needed little break. There were footsteps walking up the stairs. (This little chapel is in an old convent that was shut down, but a back room was converted into an Adoration Chapel, with a keypad/lock on the front door, where anyone can come to pray in front of the Blessed Sacrament day or night, anytime. It is a very special place.) Ok, so here is the good part... The door opens, and in walks a priest, in collar and dressed all in black. He sits down casually in the front row and I am still sitting all the way in the back in that rocking chair, and he didn't even give me a glance. He pulled out a tablet and started reading. I know most every parish priest in the area, but I have never seen this priest before and I had no idea who he was or where he came from. Nothing like this has ever happened before, and I have been coming to this place for several years. I started sweating at this point, because I am wondering what is going on here... ? I half-jokingly prayed for a priest to walk in here... and he just did!!!

I must have sat there for 15 more minutes in silence just wondering what I should do... was this a sign or something, or an answer to a prayer, or a coincidence, or am I just an idiot???
Then my cell phone rang out piercing the silence. (It was my husband wondering why I was still at the car dealership 2 hours past when I said I was on my way home, and decided to make a "quick detour" over to the adoration chapel!) I was embarrassed, so I quick, turned off my phone without answering. The priest still didn't even look up or behind, he acted like I wasn't in the room. I thought, I really need to get out of here and let my husband know I am OK, I was trying to get up my nerve, but just didn't want to disturb him. I quick, said a few Hail Mary's, and knew it was now or never, I just took a deep breath, and walked up to the priest, and said, "Excuse me Father", (he turned and looked at me), "Are you a priest?"
"Yes."
"Is it inappropriate if I ask you to hear my Confession?" (My heart was really beating now, this was just very bizarre, and I was probably really interrupting and bothering this poor man.)
He paused, and said "Let me finish what I am doing first."
"OK." (and I just sat back down and waited for what seemed like 10 minutes, really really feeling stupid now, like I probably shouldn't have even said anything and I definitely was annoying this priest who came to read and pray and not hear my boring life story.)
Finally he got up, left the Adoration room, (there was a little entry room with book shelves and two chairs and a bathroom), and signalled for me to come out there. I did, and we sat down in the chairs and to make the long story short, he heard my confession, offered some words of advice, and granted me absolution. I told him that I had been in there praying for a priest to come in, and then you walked in, so... I thought I should take advantage of it. He kind of half-smiled and maybe rolled his eyes a little (I couldn't completely tell) and told me to thank God for the grace he just granted me. I said "Thank you, Father!" and 100% happier, went on my way, and he went back into the chapel to spend some quality time alone with Our Lord.
The point of this little story: God really does listen and he really does answer our prayers!
Thanks for reading!!!