I'll spare the gory details... but I am fed up with my job. Right now I hate it.
I'm committed to putting in a 40 hour work week, and dealing with a 2 hour commute every day. And I realize this comes at a cost, and it is my family, and my health, that suffers for it. I also realize it brings many blessings (not really for me at all, but for my family), which I've talked about on here before, and that is why this is a difficult thing to just walk away from.
But I've really had it.
A new position, which is much much more visible and demanding. (No official promotion, though, just a lot more work and a lot more stress, yeah, one of those kind of deals...)
I can't take having to work every evening for hours after the kids go to bed, just so I can "keep up".
I can't take crying in the bathroom anymore because something isn't working and I'm already past the deadline, and I've had no training, and I've been thrown into something beyond which I can handle.
I can't handle feeling like a failure anymore.
I can't handle putting my husband and kids on the backburner.
I can't handle my two year old calling me "daddy" because she sees so little of me.
I can't handle the stress this is causing on my marriage because of built up resentment towards my husband because I hate my job. (And his built up resentment towards me from lack of intimacy, because I am too tired, from lack of taking care of the house, because I am never here, and from in-general all the things I should or could be doing that I can't because I am tied up trying to wrap up yet another 'urgent' work item.)
I can't handle spending more money on daycare than on my mortgage and 2 car payments, combined.
My company is sucking the life out of me.
Every week now since my daughter started CCD, I have met yet another homeschooling mom. Great for them, but it's driving me crazy with jealousy.
I used to think that this was "my cross to bear" and have been trying for the past 4 years to make the best of my situation, but now I am not sure why God would even want me to stay here. I've already learned to swallow my pride, I have been humbled. I have learned to accept people that I have strongly disliked. I have learned not to judge others as much.
Not sure where this is all leading, but it's just where I am at right now. Please say a prayer for me.