Thursday, November 29, 2012

More Reversion: Looking For God

This post is a continuation of my attempts to write about my reversion back to the Catholic Church. My last post on this topic is here:
The Catholic Mom's Corner: Biblical Revelations

Suddenly things started happening.

1. I was convinced that God was real.

2. I knew that I did not have a close relationship with God and that I hadn't tried hard enough in the past to change this.

3. My Co-worker, who was so kind to me, and was loaning me his books, attended a Traditional Latin Mass (which I had no idea what that was about on any level and wasn't even aware that such a thing even existed in our present age). He had 7 kids who were home-schooled before they joined a co-op/school that was only attended by other Traditional Catholic children who went to his special church. He was absolutely unapologetic and uncompromising about his faith and talking about it at work (when people would ask, but not to people who didn't care to hear). He did not watch any rated "R" movies, and didn't have any interest when I would talk about the cool new movie I had seen that weekend. I was internally floored when he mentioned that The Sound of Music was one of their family favorites. Needless to say, I was smart enough to not mention my book collection (see my last post in this series). All the females in his household were modest dressers, skirts below the knees, yet were stylish, normal and very well adjusted people, despite any prior stereotypes I may have held out of ignorance, about homeschoolers. His teenage daughters were not allowed to date the same way that I did in high school... for instance, they were only allowed to go out in groups, and if they wanted to have an actual "date" with a friend of the opposite sex, they had to take one of their much younger siblings with them! I had never met anyone like this before, and I was frankly, fascinated, with him and his family. I asked a lot of questions and he was very open with me.

4. "The Lord" vs. "Our Lord". Now that I could chime in a little with all the Anne Catherine Emmerich discussions going on, I quickly realized that my friend always referred to "The Lord" (which is what I would always say), as "Our Lord". I just couldn't bring myself to say "Our Lord", it felt too personal and too uncomfortable for me. I tried it once, and I felt as if I hadn't earned the right to say "Our Lord", because He wasn't really mine. Isn't that sad?

5. I started praying in the morning in the shower a simple, "God, please show me who you are. I have no idea. Are you even there?"

6. I wandered into a local Catholic book store and picked up a book on Padre Pio (my Grandmother had mentioned him before, and the stigmata seemed interesting...) and a book called No Wonder They Call It the Real Presence  - I was still wondering about that whole veiling before the Blessed Sacrament thing, I just didn't get it, but was on the verge of discovering a whole new sub-culture below the radar of the comfortable "Catholic" world that I had known my whole life.

As always, there is much more to say, so I shall return... !

Click HERE to continue the story.


  1. Really enjoying this "segment" you're writing. I can remember my return as well. It was such a journey started with a single step.

  2. Yes! Loving this! journey! Is there more to this one yet?? ;)

    1. Thanks, everyone! I am having difficulties writing out the rest of this story for some reason... too long... too personal. Eventually, when inspiration comes, I will come back and continue it.


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