Hi! Nice to Meet Ya!

Well, It's time to shake things up just a bit. It is either do this, or delete my blog. I mean, I'm all over the place, I know... I am working out some of my issues and I know I lack direction.

When I first started this blog I wanted to make some money. (I made 3 cents.)

Then I wanted to convert the world to Catholicism. (But who am I kidding? I need to shut up and listen to you guys!!!)

For the past year I've been seeking a lot of sympathy. (Post Partum depression, hypothyroid, probably regular depression too, yikes.)

And when I lack the guts to be TRANSPARENT, I've just stuck with safe topics, like the Holy Bible. (And how I love it so!)


So, without further delay, I would like to say:

My GOAL for 2013 is COURAGE.

The Purpose of this blog (for today at least) is to Share My Joy (and occasional pains) of Catholicism and Motherhood and Working Full Time, with anyone who cares.

My mission is finding JOY and discovering how to grow closer to Christ.

For Lent I am giving up SELFISHNESS.

Here are my 3 beauties: Lauren is 6, Leah is almost 10 months, Layna is 2. (And very soon to be: 7,1,3).

Here we are at the Mexican Restaurant/Dive down the street were we can feed our family of 5 for less than $20 (except when we order one of these...)

 

I am a software engineer. My husband, J, is a teacher.

 

We usually need a drink after all the screaming and tantrums at our house:

 

 

(Although, this picture was not taken in our house, and this is a LONG STORY for another post, but it is a picture of my 2 year old in the throes of a tantrum.)

 

Here is our beautiful church where our youngest was baptized. This is where I drive across town to get away from all the liturgical abuses I complain about in my posts:

 

 

 

Oh, yes, and my name is Sharon.  Nice to Meet You, Really, It is!

 

I wish you a wonderful lent. GOD BLESS YOU!

A Bitter Cup...

Well, it's past midnight, and I've gotta get up at 5:00am for a dreaded all day meeting tomorrow... and my laptop battery has ~ 20% remaining, so I will try to bang out a cohesive post in the next 25 minutes so I can go to sleep. Here goes:

Today at work a coworker mentioned lent and he talked briefly about something that he wanted to give up. Somehow we got on the topic of COFFEE, and I mentioned how that is something I should consider. (I did this one year by the way, and it is HARD.) He joked how giving up coffee would be disastrous for him, and frankly, at this stage and age, I think I agreed with him. So I half-joked that I should give up drinking McDonald's coffee... (so good in the morning!) and drink the crappy coffee at work, that would be penance enough for me. He talked about how he puts massive amounts of sugar in HIS coffee and drinking his black would be extremely difficult for him. Well, I love my coffee black, and I laughed about how putting sugar IN my coffee to drink would be a sacrifice on my end.

And really, where am I going with all this?

Basically, we are all so wonderfully unique that our trials in life are completely different. I can't help but think about how I started out in life not even knowing if I wanted any kids (due to fear and selfishness), and there are countless couples out there suffering from infertility who would give anything to have kids, but cannot. I complain that "I have to work" and don't see my kids enough, while the stay at home mom of 4 across the street is complaining that she cannot find a job and wants to work. Isn't the grass always greener on the other side? Your internal every day trials and my trials may seem trivial in the face of a life threatening illness or other medical issue, but it is suffering, mental or otherwise, nonetheless and is valid and real. Yeah, even aging is a form of suffering. Who out there is excited to be "over the hill" and watch your physical youth and beauty fade away, slowly, year by year?
Some insight on Temptations yesterday from my spiritual reading can be summed up like this:  There is great variety in our trials and temptations. Some of us have very serious temptations after deciding to turn to God and live a Christian life. Some suffer cruel illnesses near the end of a very easy life. Some of us have trials every day all throughout life. Some of us have it easier than others. It is all part of God's mysterious plan and His great wisdom and justice. But one thing is this: All things given, good and bad, are for our salvation, if we follow the will of God. This is how we become saints!

Oh, how I hate suffering and have a hard time embracing my cross. (Maybe I'm not running from it, but it's more like I'm dragging it behind me...) I'm not sure how to really change this, but I know prayer can help.

And I'm not making this stuff up on my own, but rather sharing with you from what I am reading... Here are two little prayers for encouragement.

Prayer for Light

Enlighten me, O good Jesus, with the brightness of eternal light, and let all darkness depart from my heart. Let me see through my wandering thoughts and help me to replace them with good, healthy thinking. Defend me against the evil beasts that come to me in the shape of attractive desires. Bestow on me true interior peace through Your power, so that Your praise may echo within my soul as in a holy temple. Command the tempests and storms. Say to the sea, "Be still!" Call to the raging wind, "Blow Not!" And there shall be a great calm within my soul. Amen.

Prayer Against Temptations

Lord, my God, do not depart far from me. Please look upon me and help me. Evil thoughts have risen up against me and great fears afflict my soul. How am I to pass on without being harmed by them?  Show me how I may crush them. You have said, "I will go before you and will humble the great ones of the earth. I will open the gates of prison and will make known to you hidden secrets." Dear Lord, do as You say, and let all wicked thoughts and desires flee before Your face. Amen.

Do Normal People Have a Spiritual Director?

Today, I am wondering about Spiritual Direction.

I am just a pretty average "normal" person. (And what I mean by "normal" and average, is that I am not a consecrated religious, I do not have a theology degree, nor write spiritual writings for a living. I am just a struggling working mom of 3, wishing that I could be at home with my kids, but financially I need to work.) I'd be lying if I said I was not having a hard time with this. One highpoint, however, is that over the last 5 years I have REALLY turned to my faith... reading the Bible, getting to know all about Catholicism, teaching my children about our Faith and God, getting to know the Catechism. It has been great! In many writings and radio programs and religious circles and catholic forums, you'll constantly hear people referring to their "spiritual director" ... or recommend getting one, or talking to your own, (as if everyone has one.)  Well, I don't know about you, but I have seriously wondered about this, and I don't exactly feel comfortable asking the priests I hardly know, if they would be open to "spiritually directing" me. (I think this would be a huge annoying burden to them. They are busy enough as it is. And besides, isn't that type of thing reserved for priests and young men in the seminary)? I am really curious if anyone else (especially female) has ever wondered about this, and if you have sought out "spiritual direction" as a layperson. How did you do it, and who do you talk to? How often do you meet? What do you talk about?

Since I don't have a spiritual director, I am using a little book that I found, called "My Daily Bread: A Summary of the Spiritual Life" which is a short daily reflection and includes a little prayer to read everyday, that only takes one minute or so. The coolest thing is that the priest who wrote it, Father Anthony J. Paone of the Confraternity of the Precious Blood, (sometime in the 1950's) said that you can take every daily reading as a direct message to you from Our Lord and that often you will receive a singular "grace" for that day to help you in some way in your spiritual path, to grow closer to Christ.

I want to write a follow up post on The Predominant Fault to explain further about what this means and what happened to me after I prayed to God to show me what mine was. (I am still trying to figure this out, but at least I am aware now that the question needed to be asked!) Boy, do I have a long way to grow spiritually! I have been reading this little gem daily for 43 days. I keep it in my car and pull it out in the parking lot before I go into work every day. I admit, sometimes I even put it in my coat pocket and I will take it into the bathroom at work to read it to get "My Daily Bread"... it is rather addictive. It is like I have my own little makeshift spiritual director.

Can a Catholic have a Mezuzah?

This is my catch-up post on my Great Adventure Bible Timeline Series, Session 8. We have finished the book of Numbers! What an exciting narrative. The Israelites begin on Mt. Sinai, but continue to complain, show distrust and disobedience to God, and finally, all the men over 20 are condemned to death in the wilderness because of it. (Except for Caleb and Joshua.) The younger generation will inherit the promised land. It is right in front of them. Poor Moses, now an old man, dies on Mount Nebo, after giving his final sermons, which can be found in Deuteronomy. (This session referenced parts of Deuteronomy, but there is a lot of reading in this study, so I plan to read all of the narrative books cover to cover, all of the references made to the other books, and then go back and read ALL of the supplemental books in their entirety after the study.) 

 

Anyway, in delving into Moses speeches in Deuteronomy, I came across Deuteronomy 6:4-9, which makes up part of the Jewish Shema.

 

Christians will recognize parts of this beautiful prayer echoed in the Gospel of Mark, 12:29-30:

 

"...Hear O Israel, The Lord our God, the Lord is one;

        and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart,

                and with all your soul, and with all your mind,

                        and with all your strength...."

 

Jewish households affix the Shema Yisrael prayer on a scroll inside a decorative case, called a mezuzah, and place this on their doorposts to fulfill their biblical commandment to do so.

 

I am falling in love with the Old Testament, and I think this is one of the coolest Jewish traditions I know of. When Jeff Cavins mentioned that he hung a Mezuzah across from his holy water font near his front door, I wasn't sure if he was joking or if he was serious, but I really wanted one for myself as a faith reminder.

 

I spent a lot of time researching this matter, and discovered that this could potentially be considered strange or offensive for a Christian to hang a Mezuzah, for many reasons, one because it is unlawful for a Jew to sell one to gentile, and also because it could be construed as trying to identify yourself as Jewish.

 

Well, I definitely don't want to offend, so I purchased my Mezuzah online from a Christian homeschool supply company (not a kosher scroll, nor a Jewish company). I am not sure about hanging outside my front door either, as I don't want to give the impression that I am Jewish, rather than Christian. For now, I decided to reverently place it on my dresser like this:

 

 

It is beautiful. I love it. I have been saying the Shema daily with my children.

An Ode to my Pump In Style

This is not a typical breastfeeding post... rather, it is a tribute to my breast pump. Yes, the good old trusty Medela 2006 Pump In Style. "Old Faithful."  If you have been there and done that, then no further explanation is needed. If you have no idea what I am talking about, then it's probably best if you pass on the rest of this post.

The decision to go back to work full time after having a baby is hard. Really hard. As the maternity leave dwindles down, the dread starts setting in. You know you have to go... back.... ugh. I don't get how anyone can possibly get excited about it. You just have to deal with it. It sucks!!!!!

If you decide to pump while you are back at work, then you have an entire new set of worries. They typically go like this:
Is this going to hurt?
How will I know I am pumping enough milk for my baby while I am gone?
Do I have a plugged duct?
Am I going to get mastitis and die?
How am I going to find the time to do this at work everyday, several times a day?
Where am I going to do this?
How am I going to safely transport my milk?
Where do I put everything?
How do I explain this to other women who have no children and don't understand?
How do I explain this to men who don't understand?
What about all those mandatory lunch meetings?
What about off site training courses?
What happens if I don't pump enough milk for the next day?
Why does frozen breast milk develop such a terrible taste and is it safe for my baby?
How do I sterilize all these parts?
This is so overwhelming, can I possibly do this?

If anyone cares, I can write a future post about breastfeeding survival at work 101, as I do feel I have earned professional status in this arena. (Yeah, like this may be the one and only thing I am good at.) I pumped full time with my last child for 17 months and currently things are going OK with my 10 month old. My breast pumps are getting a lot of daily use. I have developed some "best practices" that have kept me going that I will be happy to share. (This isn't the original direction of where I wanted to take this post, but it's just where it has gone :-)

So, my dear very old Pump In Style, we are like old friends. Even though I hate you at times and can't wait until I no longer need you, I do appreciate you. I have to remind myself just why I appreciate you:

You save me money.
You help me maintain a long term nursing relationship with my baby.
You help me feel connected to my baby during the day when I can't be with her.
You give me an excuse to sit alone for a few minutes in solitude so I can read or think in peace.
You are keeping my periods away.
You keep me humble.
You remind me of God's amazing gift to women in our ability to bear children and provide for them.
You help me to burn 500 calories a day without working out.
You are helping me naturally space my babies without having to chart or contracept.
If I see any other woman with a black pump in style bag, I am your immediate friend.
You have provided me with humorous moments, (mostly stories of when men ask what is in the little black bag, or when someone pays a compliment on the "computer case".)
I can sell you on eBay when I'm ready to dump you.

What is in the Ark of the Covenant?

Yikes, I realized I am several weeks behind on my bi-monthly Jeff Cavins Bible Timeline Great Adventure post... I am still really enjoying this Catholic Bible Study, and our last meeting (Session 7) wrapped up the remaining book of Exodus. I have learned far more already than I ever dreamed possible by taking this Bible Study. I highly encourage anyone to seek this out at any nearby parish, or purchase the DVDs yourself (from Ascension Press) and start your own small group study.

While finishing Exodus, I have become fascinated with The Ark of the Covenant. Yes, we all remember Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom from way back in the day... (if you are my age at least). But the adventures portrayed in the movie are more than mere fiction, they are inspired from the Old Testament. Looking over the Book of Exodus we can learn all about how the Ark was constructed and how Holy it is. For the Israelites in Exile, it was God's dwelling place on this earth and displayed a physical sign of his presence, or Shekinah, to lead His Chosen People into the Promised Land.

The Ark is a wooden chest made out of Acacia Wood and covered entirely in gold. Inside the Ark rests the two stone tablets which God inscribed with the Ten Commandments and gave to Moses on Mt. Sinai.  The Ark also contains Aaron's Rod which "blossomed". (Imagine a dead piece of wood sprouting flowers?) This is a symbol of the Levitical Priesthood, ordained by Almighty God. Finally, the Ark contains a jar of Manna, which is a sampling of  what fed the Israelites for 40 years in the desert.

Reading about the Ark of the Covenant, as a Catholic, we see can see parallels to our Tabernacle today. Just as the sanctuary lamp is always lit in Church to remind us of The Real Presence of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior in the Blessed Sacrament which resides in the Tabernacle, The Ark housed God's earthly presence, his Shekinah glory, that could actually be visibly seen in a cloud by day and a light by night. The Ark was so holy, that nobody could touch it directly, or they would die! It had to be carried on poles. (Just a thought: This brings a whole new meaning to the word liturgical abuse! In those days there were no Extraordinary Ministers of Holy Communion... every temple object, incense and sacrifice had to be handled by a consecrated priest, no exceptions.)

Holy-Holding-Hands During the "Our Father"

How do you all feel about all that hand-holding business during the recitation of The Lord's Prayer at Mass?

I struggle with this. I gotta write a blog post about my Mass experience with this today. It's hard not to notice that at almost every single "modern" Catholic parish these days, more and more people hold hands during the Our Father.

You probably understand what I am talking about.
It is all very Protestant, in my opinion. 



 I just reverently fold my hands, look downward, and say my Our Father.  All well and good right? But... Is this Pharisaical? I don't want to judge anyone... If the Holy Spirit is moving them to all hold hands, who am I to judge them? Or diminish their prayer experience? I try not to. I don't think most priests care, or at least don't seem to mind.

Bishop Foy of Covington minds. He caused quite a stir a little over a year ago when he issued the following document within his diocese as a call to stop liturgical abuse and correctly implement the new Roman Missal. Check out the bottom of page 3 of his letter.   "...therefore the extending or holding of hands by the faithful should not be performed." He is very clear about it.

I just searched for more information on what the  GIRM (General Instruction of the Roman Missal) has to say about this and came across this document. (A good read). Hmmm, maybe I need to lighten up?

But today, a woman a few pews up was holding her hands VERTICALLY UP TO THE SKY, in such an exaggerated fashion, I just couldn't help to look and think, "What On Earth is she DOING???" ...

(Imagine somebody doing the YMCA dance, and jumping up at the letter "Y" and freezing in that position... it was like THAT and I have never seen anything remotely like that position done in a Catholic church before... this was a first.) It was so odd, in fact, I had to sneak a look at her while I was walking down the communion line. I was so distracted by her. (God, I only hope I have never caused this kind of distraction by kneeling for communion in a parish that doesn't normally do that, or by wearing an occassional veil when nobody else does that.)  Whether liberal or conservative, when you are sticking out from the crowd, well you are really sticking out and people do notice.
But one thing I couldn't help to see when I stole a glance her way passing by, was the smile and a look of pure joy on her face. This woman truly was communing with the Holy Spirit and seemed to be in a very happy place.  (Happier than me, for sure!) Well, good for her. I certainly wasn't going to say anything to her about her bizarre hand gesturing. I just hope she doesn't start a new trend, as I'm trying hard enough to deal with all the normal families holding hands in the regular way.

What do you all think about this? Yeah, or Nay, or No big deal and to each their own?  Do you hold hands with your family? Do you raise them up (like the priest does)?





 Do you raise them ALL the way up and do the YMCA?

Peace be with you! :-)